Driskell-who's a plaintiff in the suit, along with the Big G Man and his carpenter kid, has petitioned the U.S. District Of Omaha to be heard "in the matter of homosexuality. Is homosexuality a sin? Or not a sin?"
As for all you sapiens living on the alternative side, or defendants, you have the task of proving "that it is not a sin to be a homosexual." Not to mention, this liberal idea that "God doesn't care that they're homosexuals, because He loves them."
Any which way, ya'll better come prepared for this challenge, cause Driskell is coming out swingin'. In her opening written statements, she invokes plenty of lovely, tolerant Bible verses, including Leviticus 18:22 and Romans 1: 26-27 .
Course, she forgot to scroll a bit further in Levi 20:13, but we can give Driskell the BOTD; after all, she was probably running late to the courtroom in between praying for homeless folks instead of giving them money and Ned Flanderizing her neighbors.
Since virtually no legitimate lawyer on this planet will take this suit, we've come up with five alernatives for Driskell to aim her suing fingers at.
5. The NYPD: The Negro Harassment Police Department hates black people. For realz-it's a mandate in their study guide, listed under the "How To Deal With The 'Others'" section. All the more reason, if Driskell wants to prove she's anti-racist, for her to trek the 1, 484 some odd miles to our City Hall to lock the PD in even more litigation. It may take a while-given people sued the Big Apple Swine 10 times per day each day in 2013. But she'd be taking a true stand for people who look just like our EIC.
4. Kanye West: See, we miss the truly progressive Ye-the 03-05 College Dropout one. That was when he wasn't just shouting, "I'm Socially-Consciousness" on records. But since his mom died, Kanye West has transformed into something we just don't like anymore. If he's not boosting Beyonce's already overboosted reputation on stage or relegating racism's existence to America's dustbins, he's doing some other nutty shit. So please, Driskell, can you file a suit in the Supreme Court of Illinois for us to get back the old Ye? Yeah, he lives in L.A. now, but you're probably too scared of the gays on Rodeo Drive. It's okay-God will protect you from them.
3. Monsanto: GMO foods are horrible for your health. We know most of you guys already knew that, so that was just for Driskell, given that she probably skipped all her science classes for Bible Study (read about polycarbons or Genesis 19:30-38? Incesty).
And leading that infiltration of artificial foods on supermarket stores today is Monsanto. Sure, your suit will have to wait with the other twenty gazillion notices filed against the agricultural biotech giant. However, wouldn't God appreciate you sacrificing your time ensuring your fellow Christians don't develop cancer down the line? We can't guarantee any gay folks won't benefit from your potential victory tho. Sowwy.
2. Westboro Baptist Church: What better way to...nah, scratch that. You're probably a card-carrying member of the WBC's Nebraska branch.
1. The Bible: Hold on now. Driskell. Put down that pitckfork, turn down that menacing gaze and loosen the grip on your rosary beads before you get Carpal Tunnel. Yes, our top suggestion for you to sue is the very same book you're currently using in your case. But hear us out! This is the same book that gives all men the authority to pin you down and have their way with you, provided they pay your father in silver and propose to you afterwards. We at HD in Effect aren't fans of rape by any means. As a woman, you shouldn't be, either. The wanton, rampant killing is enough.
Okay, you've lowered the fork. So maybe you're considering it. Take your time. We'll be right here until you make your decision. Or this ongoing suit is thrown out.
Credit for picture goes to http://www.theemailadmin.com/2012/07/maryland-man-known-for-suing-spammers-finally-loses-one/