We have no idea how these "Swagways" became the city's avant garde human transportation fare. But what we do know is that most people in HD in Effect's offices don't see the appeal. Are they really worthy of their $400 price tag? Or anything even near that amount?
Prices aside, however, we are intrigued by how fast this Segway cousin has locked these 5 boros down. So we came up with Seven Reasons The Swagway Is (For Now) More Popular Than Anything You've Ever Done In Your Life.
7. It (Sorta) Hovers: When's the last time you semi-hovered down the street at 10 MPH without taking any steps at all whatsoever, huh? HUH? BTW, that poor man's Moonwalk you learned from that homeless guy outside your local bodega, who always shadowboxes in front of baby strollers, doesn't count. The Swagway wins this round.
6. Environmentally Friendly: We know you love launching CO2 bombs with that wholesale Range Rover your cousin copped you for Christmas. We get it. But while you're slowly killing the planet, the Swagway is ensuring today's kids become more obese while cutting down on emissions. It's a win-win situation. Or lose-win, if you're a Greenpeace fanatic.
5. Going Backwards Faster Than You: Admit it. You haven't tried taking any steps back since you tried and slipped on your little brother's Thomas The Engine toy train. Well, the Swagway can not only go backwards without slipping on any brother's Thomas The Engine toy train, but do so at a much faster rate. Get your speed up, bro!
4. Lights Up: The fucking thing's platform lights the fuck up when it moves! This ain't some super-advanced Light Brite type-ish, but that means the Swagway can damn sure illuminate a room better than you can. You can't even light up a baby's face with yours anymore.
3. Stores Are Totally With It: We've seen Swagway users tear up all matter of stores, from supermarket to the departmental kind. Owners don't seem to care, probably because the increased speed guarantees faster check-outs and, therefore, way more schwag purchases. Course, that also means more five-finger discounts on wheels. After all, who wouldn't wanna jack those Black Friday $150 PS4's on a mega-discount Christmas sale in style? The best part? The overweight security has no chance to ever catch you on your new ride.
2. They (Sorta) Proved "Back To The Future Right": One Marty McFly traveled to October 21, 2015 to save his seeds from certain doom, a quarter century from his mid-80s safehaven of A-Team episodes, footless fishnets and Street Fighter. In that futurial glimpse, we got to see self-lacing shoes, nuclear energy garbage disposal, and, of course, pink hoverboards.
Now, while we have yet to see any pink ones, Swagways were indeed in mass operation countrywide last month. Only something as cool as they could possibly prove an (allegedly) fictional character's discoveries true. Michael J. Fox would be so proud of his youthful doppelganger.
1.They ARE The Future: America isn't getting any thinner anytime soon. GMO's and McDonalds remain the gastrointestinal laws of the land. Walking will never be back in style like we assume it was in the 1800s, when your great-grand parents sloshed it through 15 miles of snow to get to wherever. Therefore, the Swagway is going to revolutionize how the average American travels. We at HD in Effect will still use our feet to get around. But you guys are lazy as hell, and this toy represents your tragically sedentary future.
Oh, and one more, they're totally illegal in the city. Which means infinite badassery points for you brave riders out there.
Credit for picture goes to http://www.gumtree.co.za/a-motorcycles-scooters/sandton/self-balancing-scooters/1001463704930910041529609